Why Portsmouth City Council Deserves a Gold Medal

(REPOSTING A CLASSIC)

Which would you rather listen to?

Teresa Mollete Robert Forrey Wayne Nichols

A Crazy Dog

Tough choice, huh?! They all sound the same.

Meet Jane Murray's Supporters: Harald Daub

MEET HARALD DAUB: The Facial Jester

USEC, the place you probably call the A-Plant, isn't a bad place to work. But like any workplace there are always certain people who ruin it for everyone else. For example, Harald Daub. He's one of those guys you try to avoid if you see him coming. All he does is piss and moan about everything that is wrong in the world. Especially the City of Portsmouth which has been his obsession ever since he was recalled as a City Councilman. (You know that nice big Towne Center Mall they have in Ashland, Kentucky. Well, they were going to build that in Portsmouth, but Daub was on Council and he was afraid some developers were going to make some money on the deal, so he voted against it. Some people resented that and Harald was recalled.)

Anyway, no matter who the mayor is Daub always wants to recall him for this or that. Everyone who disagrees with him is automatically a 'crook' whose 'lining their pocketh' with bribes and 'raithing thity taxeth.' And usually Daub helped get the 'crook' elected in the first place. And at work, you can't get away from him. And the whole time he's talking to you, you're thinking "I wish I could just hold you down and snip those stupid mousetails off your mustache," or "Why can't you just learn to pronounce the letter S?" Of course we all feel that way about him. As we say at the plant: "A Little Daub'll Do You."

Even though I don't live in Portsmouth, I used to go to council meetings sometimes, but I got so sick of Daub and the rest of the chain of fools that always gets up to bitch at Council, that I quit going. I say that anyone (meaning city council) who sits there and listens to Daub and his gang of freaks without going postal deserves a medal (or at least a free mental health screening). When I heard Daub was supporting Jane Murray I wasn't one bit surprised.

Here are some little known facts about Harald Daub:

1) Daub is an Aldi's "Secret Shopper." Late last year, Harald was arrested for shoplifting tools at the local Aldi's supermarket (or as he calls it, Christmas shopping). The store had him on video and pressed charges against him. Fortunately for the sake of justice, Harald's co-conspirator, I mean, nephew, who just happened to shopping with Daub, took the fall for his uncle... I mean, he admitted that he was the guilty party, and Harald got off scott free.

http://www.pmcourt.org/cgi-bin/mcaseno.cgi?pre=CRB&num=0900093&sub=&type=CR&acc

Don't you just hate it when your out shopping with your nephew and you get arrested for no reason? And it turns out your nephew did it. I hate it when that happens.

2) Daub is a renowned pugilist This picture of Harald appeared on the internet in 2005 after he claims he got sucker punched by a Portsmouth City Councilman and ended up in the hospital, as a result. Man, that musta been one hell of a sucker-punch!! Harald claims he was unable to press charges because there were no witnesses.

Don't you just hate it when your minding your own business and a city official walks up and punches you for no reason and you end up in the hospital and you don't have any witnesses? I hate when that happens.

3) Daub is a record-breaking politician: Harald Daub holds the record for getting the fewest number of votes of any candidate for County Commissioner when he ran for the office in 2006. (It must have been his great slogan: "Do As U Believe!" Not quite as catchy as "Yes, We Can!")
 

He also holds the record for the shortest term on City Council. After being elected to City Council in 1979 he did such a bang-up job that he was recalled the next year, after just 10 months in office--by law that is the shortest amount of time that citizens had to wait to recall a council person. Ever since being recalled, Daub has had it out for the City.

Don't you just hate it when you're doing a great job as a City Councilman, making sure that no malls get built in your town, and you get recalled for no reason? I hate it when that happens.

A word of warning to Ms. Murray: Daub was at one time Jim Kalb's biggest supporter. Now he's your biggest supporter and he's out to get Kalb. Just remember the other saying we have at the plant:

"A Little Daub'll Screw Ya."