Jane Murray: That's a Moron

In most places they call it GRIDLOCK.
But in CrAZy-ToWn, USA, Jane Murray calls it:

The Mayor's Traffic Calming Plan, Phase I

As the Portsmouth Times reported on Friday ("Mayor Unveils Phase 1 of Traffic Measures"), Crazy Jane plans to put up all manner of new street signs in the hilltop area that just happens to surround her house!.



The plan includes "new three- and four-way stops"..."Residential Permit Parking Only areas"...and signs inidicating "No Through Traffic, No Truck Traffic, Hospital Zone, No Loitering, etc." Like a typical, control freak bureaucrat, Murray wants to control the entire City of Portsmouth...beginnning with her own neighborhood. (Just remember. They're her streets. She only LETS you drive on them!)

Once upon a time, there was an entity in Portsmouth, called The Portsmouth Traffic Committee. It was made up of people knowledgeable about traffic laws. No previous mayor would have tried to make significant changes to traffic lights and signage, without consulting this group of retired police officers, and informed individuals, appointed by City Council. The traffic committeee in turn had formal meetings that were advertised and open to the public. No other mayor could have gotten away with putting plastic bags over traffic lights or arbitrarily putting up "No Turn On Red" signs all over town based only on his own whims. Every other mayor had to go through the traffic committee.

But in Jane Murray's CrAzY-ToWN, the Traffic Committee is just another inconvenience. Just some more bothersome gnats that she has to put up with. She pays no more attention to it than a bit of Annie's doggy-do stuck to her shoe.

A lot of people were concerned that the Mayor would be frightened by the impending recall vote and she would be on her best behavior. Maybe she would try to be quiet and hope everyone would forget about the travesties that she has brought down upon the heads of our citizens.

But we, at P-Town Underground, weren't worried. We've told you before that she really is off-her-rocker. We knew that she would nail her own coffin shut. But even we didn't think she would try to pull off something this stupid before the end of the year.

We have asked Dean Martin to sing one of his great, classic songs in honor of the Mayor's brilliant traffic control plan:

THAT'S A MORON:

When the mayor starts to cry, “Too many cars going by”,
That's a moron.
“All those Harleys and hogs, just might wake up my dog”
That’s a moron.

"Don’t you dare turn on red, new stop signs up ahead,"
That's a moron.
"4-way stops, I'll call the cops, while your gas mileage drops,"
That’s a moron.
"No through trucks, spend big bucks, on new signs that I’ll pay for with fines,"
That’s a moron.

Now Jane says the recall won’t affect her at all.
That's a moron
All the CAVE People cheer, “It’s been such a great year!”
They’re all morons.
Bells will ring, she’s ding-a-ling, wouldn’t change a thing,
She’s a moron.
She will say, “What the heck. I will bring back Jeff Peck.”
He’s a moron.

The cops do as they’re told and they keep breathing mold
In the basement.
Jane keeps them in the pit and keeps feeding them sh--,
Just like mushrooms.
She says they’re corrupt, but she just made it up.
She's a moron.
She still can’t name names. She will go down in flames,
She’s a moron.

When the day comes around, all the people in town
Will remember.
All Jane’s schemes will unroll, when we go to the polls,
In December.
What a great Christmas gift. We will all get a lift
When she is gone.
There will be cheers of delight when we all say good-night
To the moron!